


Delirium

by skyewatson



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Danny gets shot, Declarations Of Love, He's high as a kite, Steve's Pov, hospital fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1728788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyewatson/pseuds/skyewatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny is in the hospital after getting shot. Steve and Gabby have an awkward conversation. Danny says some things he normally wouldn't because he's high as a kite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delirium

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so last year I had surgery and I was really high off my face on painkillers before and after the surgery and Danny's conversation with Steve is loosely based off two conversations I had, one with my best friend and the other with my mum.

“I suppose you’re used to this.”

 

 

Steve doesn’t even look away from Danny when Gabby breaks the silence in the hospital room with those shaky words. She’s only half right, Steve’s used to Danny getting hurt, it’s a workplace hazard after all, but the terror never goes away. In the four years he has been partnered with the short New Jersey cop, Steve’s never been able to stomach it when Danny gets shot. No matter if it’s a graze, a flesh wound, a simple through and through or a major gunshot wound, Steve has never been able to fight the primal instincts that drive him crazy.

 

 

“Not really.” He answers.

 

“Oh,” She says, “how do you stay so calm?”

 

“I don’t. The nurses threaten to throw me out but we’re regulars so they give us a bit of leeway. Usually I’m the one in the hospital bed and Danny’s the one threatening to make calls to the Governor because they won’t let him into my room. They gave up with that formality crap last year when they realized it wasn’t worth the drama.”

 

“I thought he was your next of kin?”

 

“He is but that’s only recent, it was my sister Mary but she’s god knows where so Danny’s always just kind of made the decisions. It’s a little different with him though because there’s still Grace and Rachel. I’m his medical proxy but because she’s his ex wife and the mother of his child they always call her first. It’s annoying.”

 

“I feel like such a mess, he’s fine and the doctors said he’ll wake up when he feels like it but I cant help but think that it could have been so much worse,” Gabby wipes away her tears, “It’s just, I’ve never had to be in the position where someone I care for has been shot, you know?”

 

“It doesn’t get better you know,” Steve says slowly, “they always say it gets better but it doesn’t. I’ve seen him get hurt so many times and it always feels the same. I don’t think I’ll ever not be hurt when Danny gets shot. But I think that’s more my fault than anything else.”

 

“Because of what he says right? Because you got him shot?”

 

Steve nods. “When we first met. We had a lead and I was stupid enough to go in half cocked with Danny as back up. He didn’t want to but I decided to do it anyway. Danny got shot and he had to shoot the witness to save a woman the man was holding hostage. I got him shot hours into our first day as partners.”

 

 

Silence envelops the room and Steve watches the rise and fall of Danny’s chest, the only thing that lends him any comfort. He wishes Grace were here, maybe even Rachel despite the fact that he has never really been on anything more than polite terms with her. It’s not that he doesn’t like Gabby, because he does, it’s just that Danny’s been shot again and it always makes him bring down his guard and he doesn’t want to be vulnerable in front of her. She hasn’t earned that yet. He just wants to hold Danny’s hand and ramble on to him about why Hawaii is awesome and maybe even insult Danny’s taste of pizza and tell him about how he can’t wait to go to New Jersey with Danny and Grace this Christmas. He can’t though and it’s like an itch he can’t scratch.

 

 

“What does it feel like?”

 

“What does what feel like?”

 

“Getting shot.”

 

“It hurts.”

 

Gabby blushes. “Yes, of course, but I mean is it true, you see the bright light and your life flashes before your eyes?”

 

“I’ve never seen it but it makes me think about who matters most. The people you love the most are the ones that make you want to survive and they’re usually the people you think of first when you come to.”

 

“Do you think he thought of me?”

 

 

Steve hates the question the moment it comes out of her mouth. It’s a stupid one with no right answer, he can’t actually read Danny’s mind, contrary to popular belief. If he says yes then he gets her hopes up and if he says no then he crushes her anyway. He doesn’t want the answer to be yes if he’s honest. She hasn’t been around long enough, she can’t hope to understand what it means to live in this lifestyle. She shouldn’t have to. Gabby isn’t ohana yet and until she is Steve won’t disillusion her. He won’t hurt her unnecessarily either though. He owes Danny that much.

 

 

“Maybe,” Steve pauses, “He thought about Grace and his parents and siblings back home. He thought about his brother even though he’ll be annoyed about it when he wakes up. He probably thought about Rachel because they’re always going to be connected through Grace and he’s always going to have some kind of love for her.”

 

“And you, he probably thought about you.”

 

“Probably long enough to curse me for getting him shot again.” Steve tries to smile but his body just aches.

 

“Where does that leave me?”

 

“With questions that won’t matter when he wakes up.”

 

 

They fall silent again and Steve wonders if it’s going to be like this all night. He wonders if long silences and awkward questions he can’t and doesn’t want to answer are his relationship with Danny’s girlfriends in a nut shell. It seems to be. He likes it when Danny’s happy, none of his girlfriends have been bad people either, it just seems like every time Danny is with someone the thing between them changes. Like the world spins out of control for five minutes and Steve has to work out how to get everything back to normal. It never takes long, it’s just not fun to go through. He wonders if that is what it is like for Danny every time Catherine is on leave.

 

Eventually Gabby falls asleep and Steve opens his phone to play Angry Birds. He can’t think of any other way to pass the time because he can’t sleep and he doesn’t want to leave in case Danny wakes up. His heart aches a little because Danny was the one who installed the game on his phone. They’d been at the beach and Kono had been teaching Grace how to surf and Danny’s phone had died. Danny had stolen his and downloaded the app and told him all about the game and why Grace thought it was the coolest thing ever. Steve remembered the way Grace had flopped out onto a towel next to them after her lesson, bone tired but elated. The way Danny had grinned when Grace gushed about how surfing was so much more awesome than tennis and they didn’t even have to pay for it.

 

Steve fails the round and puts the phone down with a huff. His head snaps up when he hears Danny’s sleepy chuckle. “You were always horrible at that game babe.”

 

“Danno! How are you feeling?” “I would say like someone shot me but I feel really good right now. Like that time when I got slipped a hash brownie in college.” 

 

Steve grins. “That’s because you’re high as a kite babe.”

 

“So that explains why I feel like singing like I’m some character out of one of Grace’s Disney movies.” 

 

“And what would you sing about?” 

 

“Your eyes. They’re really pretty and stupid.” 

 

“Anything else?” 

 

“Mmmhmm, your tattoos.” 

 

“What about them?” 

 

“They’re on your arms.” 

 

Steve snorts with laughter. “Yeah, they are.” 

 

“And your hair. Your hair is kind of nice. And your smile. I think I’d sing about everything about you. I like all of you, even when I say I don’t. But you can't tell me that I told you that later. I’ll be cranky at me.” 

 

“I promise I won’t tell you how much you like me Danno.” Steve promises with a smile. 

 

“Good cause you’re like my second favorite person you know? I love you, not as much as Grace but I still love you lots even if you’re too tall.”

 

 

Steve almost wants to record this conversation but he likes that he’ll be the only person to remember this. Danny won’t, not with the amount of painkillers he’s hopped up on. It’s bittersweet, listening to Danny’s unfiltered drug addled thoughts. He likes knowing Danny cares, he just wishes he could hear all this under different circumstances. He wants to hear it for real, maybe while they’re at the beach watching Grace surf with Kono or while they’re stretched out on the couch drinking longboards and watching some old crappy movie Danny loves so much.

 

 

“You’re my best friend, you know that right?” Danny asks, pawing at his arm almost desperately. “You’re my best friend and I love you. You have to know that.”

 

Steve tries to smile but it just hurts. “Yeah, I know Danno.” 

 

“I like when you call me that. I lie when I tell you I don’t like it. But you’re not supposed to know that so you can’t tell me you know that okay?” 

 

“Sure babe, anything else I’m not supposed to know?” 

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I love you too Danno.”

 

 

Gabby stirs beside Steve and he wishes they weren’t in a small hospital room. He wishes Danny wasn’t dating the nice woman beside him. He wishes he could be courageous and say the words when Danny isn’t high as a kite and liable to forget everything they’ve said. He wishes Danny would say the words back when he’s not drugged up and he wishes he could believe the words he’s already said.

 

Steve hates everything about this situation. He hates the way a tiny part of him loves the declarations Danny’s making even if it’s because his best friend has been shot. He feels guilty about it, the same way he feels guilty that Danny doesn’t know what he’s saying. Steve hates it all. Maybe when this is all over he’ll stop being a coward and say what he needs to say.

 


End file.
